Why Constant Apologizing is Far More Than a Feminist Issue

“I’m sorry” used to litter nearly every sentence I spoke. My professor in college even had to pull me aside after discussion once to tell me that it was a feminist issue to stop apologizing all the time. While certainly true that the epidemic effects more women than men, constant apologizing also signals an energetic imbalance.


As I’ve committed to healing myself and shown up for energy practice after energy practice, I’ve slowly began to feel more comfortable taking up space. Working hard to cultivate a certain energy includes a right to protect it. Every choice we make, every word we speak and every place we go sends the universe a message of what we will and will not expect. Obviously, for serious matters and hurting the feelings of others, we must apologize from the heart. But the constant, unneeded “I’m sorry” hurts more than just ourselves.

I used to hold a subconscious belief that I didn’t have a right to be myself, let alone say what I needed. Thus, I attracted men and friends who didn’t care what I needed and didn’t bother to ask. Interestingly, I had no idea that was where my energy was at the time. It became clear after I learned the same lesson over and over again. Once I started showing up to heal the part of me that needed people to treat me poorly, the way I spoke and saw myself shifted dramatically.

 When people tell you to stop apologizing, it’s much deeper than surface level, external advice. Energetically, if we apologize for taking up space or asking for what we need, that vibration tells the universe we think we aren’t allowed to have it. Yeah, I’m not down with that either.

 However, I knew this concept in college but continued with the same pattern. You can’t change yourself if your energy doesn’t change. My energy had not changed, even if my understanding had.

 In creating new energy through the highs and lows of kundalini practice, reiki and writing, I became proud of the person I truly am. I’m proud of this energy I worked to create and I’m proud of the person I had stifled for decades. In working to uncover my true self, I’ve become fiercely protective of my energy.

 That means that I don’t apologize for asking questions, saying what I need or making mistakes. I slip up from time to time, but then I know to refocus my energy back to standing my ground. If you don’t think you are worthy of saying what you want, it inhibits you from receiving what your soul needs.

 Receiving is a feminine trait. I’m talking about the divine feminine, not gendered in any way. This type of energy has been stamped out for thousands of years to accommodate an overflowing amount of masculine, forceful energy. The free flowing, expressive, magnetic, receptive feminine energy represents the side of ourselves we must tap into to receive from the universe. Apologizing and second-guessing yourself inverts your thoughts and scatters your energy, shifting you out of the feminine and your power while blocking alignment.

 Just like every shift, this one has to do with energy. I’m not afraid to say or ask for what I want because I believe that I can have it. I’m not afraid to apologize when I truly feel I have done something wrong. I’m not afraid to confidently say what I feel to be true. Each of these is because my energy is focused on receiving so that I can give more.

 Blocking my blessings doesn’t help one person on this planet. It’s not moral to live in lack. When I open myself to receive and stand in my power of receptivity, I can give love to so many more souls. I care too deeply about the people around me and my energy to implode on myself and give my power away by uttering, “I’m sorry” for being myself.

 In essence, apologizing constantly is saying we aren’t worthy. Many of us hold this belief so deeply that healing it seems virtually impossible. But, every single second of the work I have done to heal this part of myself has been worth it. Every single tear I shed, every single sleepless night, every single time I woke up just to say, “again”, was worth it. I will never, ever apologize for stepping into the person my soul wants me to be. Even with the ups and downs, I refuse to jeopardize this work by putting my energy towards avoiding criticism and adding, “I’m sorry” to every sentence I speak.